My Favourite Pom

Sorry folks: that’s it for penises and Jews for me for a while. I thought I’d pay brief homage to one of the century’s greatest philosophers, connoisseurs, insanely fast drivers and all-round bon vivants.

Every Monday evening, the house stops for an hour as Ozboy Jr. drags me to the TV set in my bedroom and we switch on the latest episode of Top Gear. It really doesn’t matter to him what’s the week’s subject; as far as he’s concerned, it’s the same every week: Jeremy, Richard, James and The Stig driving very, very fast.

Look, I believe in road safety. And I’m fairly sure Clarkson does, too. What I love about him is that he refuses to bow to convention, and cringe before the altar of political correctness. In short, he doesn’t give a rat’s. He’s prepared to speak his mind, in no uncertain terms. He’s magnificently incorrect.

This means, of course, that he comes in for his fair share of criticism. Some of it might be deserved (banging on about lazy Mexicans, for example, drew protests from that country’s ambassador to the UK himself), but most of it is just shrill whining from the usual PC suspects. I wonder what our GE thinks of him. Last night, he was comparing a BMW and a Mercedes somewhere in Bavaria. He was driving around a Bavarian oom-pah band, complete with lederhosen and regalia. Conspicuous on the dashboard was a copy of Roy Jenkins’ biopic Churchill. You get the picture.

He’s not afraid to bag the cars Top Gear reviews, either. Just go to the quotes section of his website and you’ll see what I mean. Some of my favourites are:

The Ferrari 355 is like a quail’s egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts’ belly button.

I do apologise, we have wasted your evening, there are no good Korean or Malaysian cars.

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It’s like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.

Jeremy, you will not be surprised to learn, does not have much time for Global Warming. Dave Edinburgh over at DT posted this article Jeremy wrote regarding the imminent deafness of the clown fish. Who’s the greater clown, then?

Of course, he’s doing it deliberately. Pushing everyone’s buttons for effect. I find him very, very funny. And a breath of fresh air.

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21 Responses to My Favourite Pom

  1. fenbeagle says:

    Can I respectfully suggest to the right honorable gentlemen, that mr Clarkson would make a very good secretary of state for energy. Although there may be a change of policy.

  2. Kitler says:

    Ozboy..Who are you calling a Pom I find that racist and offensive and this after we sent our least deserving to Sea, Sand and Sun on an extended holiday.
    Jeremy Clarkson is indeed a breath of fresh air and makes the show what it is, however he is wrong about Korean cars my wife’s car could do 70mpg and could outrace my American built piece of sh*t.

  3. izen says:

    Once upon a time Clarkson was a sincere curmudgeon, chauvanistic and non-PC as a reflection of his real views.
    Nowdays its become an act because its a good marketing hook. Subjects are clearly chosen for their potential to offend and use florid prose to drive home the ‘point’. He is a characture of his former self.

    It seems I could be liable for prosecution for contempt of court if am not carefull to suggest that ALLEGEDLY he is one of the people with a ‘super-injunction’ to prevent exposure of his sexual infidelity.

    Personally I prefer cap’n slow. James May’s programs on tech and toys were a much more nuanced take on technology and human society than Jeremy’s selective boorishness.

  4. meltemian says:

    You either love him or loathe him…..we love him!
    How can you say anything against a man who installed an English Electric Lightning in his front garden?? Just because he could! Probably didn’t tell his wife it was coming though — pretty much like the super-injunction.
    Mr. M. says he’s a crap driver though, all sound & fury but he ‘doesn’t feel it’………

  5. Amanda says:

    I bought a JC book for mio amico once. The cover has a picture of J in a red car and across the front (in huge black letters) is the word PHWOAR! I don’t recall what the car was. Not a Yugo.

  6. Amanda says:

    Crown, you should drive a Mazda. We’ve had several of them, and never any complaints. Cheaper than other cars of similar quality, too. Finally the word got out and that’s why you now see them everywhere. But I’ve been a Mazda girl from way back. (Note to others: that’s short-a Maz-da in England but Mahz-da in N. America).

  7. Luton Ian says:

    I seem to remember Crown owning a Mazda once

  8. Kitler says:

    Amanda I owned a Mazda once cost me a fortune in repairs.

  9. Dr. Dave says:

    When I was younger I had a thing for sports cars. Though I’ve never owned a fancy Porche, a Corvette or a Viper (I write as I wipe my chin), I have had less expensive models in my stable. Right now I have a Mitsubishi 3000GT VR4 rotting in my driveway. I can’t bear to give it up. About 12 years ago vehicles became merely a means of getting from point A to point B for me. I became enamored of the small 4WD SUV. I liked opening up the door and being able to stand up without a block and tackle. I rarely have the need to travel at over 100 mph, but every year I have the need to negotiate snow drifts. My GF bought a Mazda 3 a few years back after months of internet research and test driving. I very seldom ever drive the thing but every time I do I spend a good 15 minutes telling her what a great job she did selecting a new car. It has proven to be a stalwart vehicle and is just “fancy enough”. In the end it’s all about getting to where you’re going and getting back home again safely.

  10. Kitler says:

    DrDave when Mazda says replace the belts at 55000 miles it seems they have actually developed belts that will decompose at exactly that mileage. The engine is sturdy enough but they have designed it so you have to go in for a lot of maintenance work just as you have finished paying for it.

  11. Kitler says:

    Well here is Australia’s greatest comedy export ever.

    Sending Germaine to Britain was our revenge for Transportation – Oz

  12. meltemian says:

    We spent years using Range Rovers, bought our first one back in the days when you could hose them down inside before they got ‘poncy’ and came with carpets etc. Himself has always had a thing about BIG vehicles. We needed them for the garage and breakdown service we used to have. He even took his HGV test when he retired so he could drive REALLY big vehicles! The last big car was (I’m ashamed to admit) a Hyundai XG30, we called it ‘Igor’ because it looked like a Russian Political Vehicle! It was so ‘naff’ the daughter refused to be seen in it, but I have to admit it was good, powerful and comfortable, and it got us, the dog and a lot of our stuff out here to Greece. The high road tax out here means it’s now de-registered and parked in the drive and we’ve had to buy a small Toyota instead. €900 tax a year was just too much. Seems a shame after all the trouble we went to to import the car without paying import tax but we’re too broke now we’re retired. The Toyota’s easier to drive here anyway, the roads are built for donkeys not cars once you leave the main routes!

  13. fenbeagle says:

    I like James May too. They make a good double act.

  14. Ozboy says:

    Fen, Izen,
    Personally, I like Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections. It’s hard not to like either of them, really. Perhaps any of their shortcomings are shaded out by JC’s looming presence.

  15. Luton Ian says:

    completely OT
    I’ve just found an interesting critique of state funded science from ten years ago – well pre climategate;

  16. Luton Ian says:

    I like Clarkson for his anti PC rants, but I’m a total utilitarian about vehicles. I got the chance to drive a little Bently supercar the other day, and didn’t bother, I just can’t get excited about them.

    I did get a ride in the passenger seat of it the other day, we were held up as the cops had a road closed, the young policewomen on the road block was all smiles and chatty, it was only after we’d got through the road block that my pal remembered he hadn’t put the new tax disk on!

    I’m guessing he’d fitted one of those magnets that Borat was asking for.

    I helped a pal trying to get the plugs out of the rear cylinder bank of a V6 Mitsubishi sportscar thing a few days back – it took the whole day to get to them, and the replacements had to be specially ordered in. I don’t think they’d ever been changed in the life of the car .

    What do I drive?

    Probably the most uncool Italian car ever made.

  17. Luton Ian says:

    you just turned the milk in my “Cup of brown joy” to smegma with that link to Mzzzz female genital mutilation is culturally affirming

  18. Kitler says:

    Luton Ian well it was that Dame Edna Everidge aka Barry Humphreys bit Germaine Greer is in a surrealist comedy league of her own.
    I’m not into fast sports cars mainly because the pigs around here would target me in a heart beat for doing the speed limit. My Ford Edge a crossover vehicle is the best combination of SUV and Car, very comfortable roomy and drives like a car and is fully loaded so the missus gets to drive that most days and I end up driving the crappy small car. How does that happen? She insisted on a 4wd and the nearest good mountains are hundreds of miles away, the Ozarks are mere foothills.

  19. Kitler says:

    Australia’s most distinguished ambassador Sir Les Patterson…

  20. Kitler says:

    Oh brugger..let’s try that again…

  21. Kitler says:

    Oh drat let’s try that again…

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